Back to Blogging?

It’s been awhile since I put anything in this blog. I really did mean to keep up with this, but to be honest, I knew that I would have a hard time. I have started various blogs in my lifetime and have never kept up with them. I guess I always feel that having a blog would be fun and a great place to share my thoughts and various other things, but at some point it begins to feel like a chore. As if sharing thoughts with the world is a chore, when I do it all the time in personal conversation and various other social media modes like twitter and facebook (blech). Oftentimes, I come upon something and think, “Oh, I should write about this; it would make a great blog post.” When I have the opportunity to do so, however, I do not and then it stays in the back of my head until too many days pass by and I never write about it. This is precisely why I haven’t written in this blog since May. I clearly have motivational issues. Yikes! At least I can say that I do have another blog where I actually post thoughts occasionally, but those are personal thoughts, serious thoughts, thoughts I would not share out loud; poetry I would not share out loud or with any one in person. You know, the type of stuff one reads and thinks, “Oh hey, that’s a crazy person.” Who really wants to read that, right? I am comfortable writing with no readership. If I have a readership, I might actually have to keep up with my writing, which means posting more frequently. Yikes again! I could blame this all on my perfectionist-procrastination ethic, which has done me really well so far in all modes of my work, but it has just worn me out. Grand ideas coupled with procrastination doesn’t leave much time to get this grand idea completed, and here comes in the perfectionism which means I will complete this grand idea until it is as perfect as possible. This is my life.

Ideas + (Procrastination x Perfectionism) = (No Sleep x Headaches) + Satisfaction

Well, I guess my lack of motivation stems from the possibility that I just don’t think the satisfaction I derive from creating something truly excellent is worth the stress, the headaches, the zombie-walking and really cloudy brain; however, I don’t believe this. I do enjoy the satisfaction of creating something meaningful and brilliant.

So as I write this, I have decided to change all that lack of motivation when it comes to writing and working on projects. How am I going to do this? I’m not sure. Some people say that you should make lists in order to get things done. Well, this does not work for me. I make lists all the time and all I ever do is stare at them. Maybe I will cross one or two off after a couple of months, but that’s not really success. I also tend to forget things more when I write them down, as though the act of writing what I need to do is enough for my brain to say, “Hey, that’s good enough.” When I don’t write lists, the lists stay in my head and I forever think about all of the things I want to do, need to do, will do.. eventually… and never do… never did. This is not helpful, either. What to do?

Maybe stating publicly that I will do something will help me do something. Since this is public, even though maybe 1 or 2 people read this, I am stating here that I will DO. I will do. I will even set goals right here and now about things I will do. I can’t divulge all of the projects I would like to work on, because those are surprises when they are done and I’m not about to give anyone ideas, you know, in case my lack of motivation kicks in and somebody else takes it upon themselves to complete it (I think this has actually happened a few times).

Okay, here goes. The following will be a list of things I will try my hardest to commit to. I’ll even make them my New Year’s resolution, even though my New Year is on my birthday, which is not for quite a few months. I don’t really care for New Year’s resolutions either, as you should always try and improve upon the person you were in the past, last week, yesterday, even two hours ago, but I digress. Can’t you tell I’m procrastinating with this list? I’m scared to write it. Once I write it, it’s there and I must do. I must do.

Here goes:

1. I will keep up with this blog. Before 2012 is over I will write at least one more post. Not good enough? Okay okay, I will write two more!

2. In 2013, I will work on a project that involves doing something every single day of the year.

3. I will work on publishing my thesis. I’ve really been slacking on this one.

4. I will redo my website and my thesis website (and then I can post them here).

5. I will make music.

6. I will make more stuff, from mosaics to infographics, and collages to other modes of fine art (I need to be vague because I’m not sure what this stuff entails, but I have a lot of ideas brewing and I just need to do)!

7. I will sleep more. (Do I really lack the motivation even for that?)

8. In 2013, I will make at least 2 written blog posts per week.

9. I will create a logo for this blog.

10. I will stop buying books in mass quantities when I still have so many books on my bookshelf and floor that I have not read yet. I will not stop myself from buying other books because it’s just so satisfying to obtain a new book, but I will tone that down. I have actually toned it down very much, but getting through the unread books I do have has been an extremely slow process. Here are the books that I own that I plan to read before April (in no particular order):

Out of Place by Edward Said
On Suicide by Jean Améry
Accidental Death of an Anarchist by Dario Fo
There Are No Children Here by Alex Kotlowitz
What is the What by Dave Eggers
Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut
Seeing by Jose Saramago

I am currently reading and almost finished with The New Jim Crow, which is amazing and necessary for every single American to read. I am not going to write a book review, but if you want to learn more about mass incarceration and how it is a very real thing unjustly effecting poor communities of color, please pick the book up and read (even if it’s just the last two chapters). Anyway, as soon as I am finished, which I plan to be this week, I will begin one of the books on the list I just mentioned.

If you do read this blog, hold me to these things. Ask me if I have done any of it. If you haven’t seen a blog post, yell at me. It helps to be held accountable. The unfortunate thing is that, well, no one really reads this and so I am accountable to no one but myself and I am the one who created this problem, so who knows if this will really work.

I told myself that I would go to bed at 10:30pm today so that I could get enough sleep and go to work on time, but my procrastinating self felt like I finally needed to write a blog post and now its passed midnight. Ooopsy. I am already failing on #7. Okay, this is it for tonight.

Thanks and goodnight!